Admission is Free

Some very wise men once described anger as “the dubious luxury of normal men”. The statement goes on to indicate that, for a certain segment of society, anger is poison.

I’m one of those people for whom anger — or rather, the finer variety of “justified anger” — is poison. Anger in itself isn’t bad – as a God-given emotion, anger is useful in indicating when a boundary has been breached, and directs my attention to something I need to focus on.

But justified anger is rife with trouble for me, because it allows me to get self-righteous and judgmental. I get carried away with it, and by “carried away”, I mean I move farther away from my spritiual center. I lose the sense of peace and serenity that I find when I stay close to that center. And I become someone whose company I don’t enjoy.

My last post, Rant-O-Rama, was written mostly in jest, however, it was all the truth — those things really do bug me. And a few of them REALLY bug me. A friend of mine pointed out that the items I listed – the things I was ranting about – are no different from the long list of grievances that would normally be found in a person’s “moral inventory”.  And she was right.

I need to admit the truth about these resentments. “To admit” doesn’t mean “to confess”, it means “to let in”. (“Just like a movie ticket says ‘Admit One’ to let you in the theater”, my friend Rich points out – a helpful analogy for someone like me.) I need to let the truth in about these resentments. I need to look at my part in all this. What part can I own? The answer is clear: I can own my resentments.

Resentments choke the life out of me. I cannot thrive while I hold onto them. They’re like invasive weeds taking over a garden — if they’re not dealt with, they soon grow so big that their leaves and stalks block the sunlight from reaching what I actually planted. No growth can occur in a place like that.

How do I deal with resentments? By reducing my expectations. Resentments are born when expectations are unfulfilled. So what can I do about the things I ranted about last time?

Forgive. See a different way. Reduce my expectations of these people / places / things to the point that it becomes okay for them to do what they do. Because they are going to do what they do regardless of what I think, feel, or say, so the only person who will be troubled by my disapproval is me.

So to re-visit my rants from earlier in the week, I will make an effort to own my part in them, and to see them in a different way:

*The IRS – taxing is what they do. It is the price I pay to live in this country. I can own my attachment to money and admit that I could easily adjust my withholding, investments, and spending habits to reduce future tax owed.

*Inappropriate quotation marks use – that’s my inner perfectionist talking. I can own that my inner perfectionist likes to make me feel better by pointing out the mistakes of others. I admit this shortcoming and see it in the light of day for the hypocritical trait that it is, for I am far from perfect.

*People on the freeway who speed up to prevent me from moving into their lane – these people don’t know me, and I don’t know them, and the encounters with them last a matter of seconds – yet I make them last for hours or days with my resentment. I can own that I think these people shouldn’t do what they do, and that’s just what I think.

*Haters – I sit in judgment of them, and that is not my seat.

*My iPod displaying incorrect album covers – come on, now. This is what is called a “quality problem”. I can admit that I’m a whiny bitch sometimes.

*Messy people in the kitchen at work – I can own my sometimes obsessive need for cleanliness, and admit that I don’t have to clean up after them, but by doing so, I’m being of service.

*Facebook friends asking me to post things in my status – this is just more of me saying “I wouldn’t do that, therefore you shouldn’t either.” It’s grandiose to think the rest of the world should be like me. And it’s perfectly okay for people to raise awareness of causes dear to them. I can be grateful for these people and their presence in my life, even if it’s virtual through a social network site.

*The state of political discourse – people can talk; I can choose what I let in. The shouters and the swayers and the mad-as-hell proclaimers have the right to shout and sway and proclaim if they want to. I can own my tendency to want to avoid conflict and negative energy, and admit that nothing is “negative” until I put that label on it.

*The Westboro Baptist Church – I can pity these people who are so consumed by fear and hate. I can find gratitude that my spirit is free, and own that my judgment of them stems from my own fear.

*Bullies / child abusers / animal abusers – these people were hurt themselves, and are walking through life with untended wounds. I can own my potential to be as abusive and hurtful as they are, and admit that I am just as capable of harm as anyone. Love is the answer, every time.

*My local donut shop –  I own my judgment that they don’t do what I think they should do. Big deal. I need to stop going there anyway. I’m getting fat.

*E-mailers lamenting the loss of the “good old days” – again, judging that they shouldn’t do what they do. I own that I read these e-mails by choice, and admit that sometimes there are points in those “good old days” e-mails that I actually agree with.

*Jackholes who litter the beach with their cigarette butts – I can own that they do what I think they shouldn’t do, and admit that I used to be a smoker and thus I’m sure I left my share of cigarette butts in places other than ashtrays.

That’s the list. I think I owned my part in each of those resentments, and admitted the truth about them. At least, I did the best I could today.

I’m happy to post this follow-up to the Rant-O-Rama – as good as it felt at the time to get that out, I admit that afterward it didn’t feel so great. Something about putting that negativity out there –however humorous it may have been– was incongruent with the theme of this blog. When I’m ranting, I’m not watching the blinking lights. It’s more like I’m cursing the darkness.

Interestingly, though — that post had the most views on the day it was published of any post I’ve made to date – and it’s the ONLY post I’ve published that prompted someone to click the “Like” star at the top of the blog window. Is this an indicator that people respond better to the angry, the negative, the disgruntled? Would I increase my subscribers if I started ranting on a regular basis?

Maybe. But I’d need to change the name of my blog. Something like “The Asshat Chronicles”, perhaps.