I know, it’s been awhile…
This blog has been virtually dead for months, with not a single new word written since before Christmas. I’d like to say I’ve been so busy I haven’t had the chance to write, but that’s only partly true. While I have been busy, I haven’t been so busy that I couldn’t take a few minutes to post something here. I just kept not-doing it.
As more time went by, I found it harder and harder to get started, for it seemed like some acknowledgment of my absence would be in order before anything else, and I just didn’t know where to start.
I didn’t lack subject matter – I had several topics to write on. I didn’t lack motivation – several times I earnestly made stretch goals to get a post done by a certain date. But despite this, nothing got written.
What I lacked was inspiration. I got it today.
It’s Easter Sunday, and though I started the day off in a good way by Skyping with a certain lovely British-American living in Canada, the rest of my day was spent alone – and, somewhat lonely.
No kids today, no family nearby, no plans other than household tasks and chores to do – just another weekend day here, though it’s a holiday everywhere else. As I commenced the day, echoes of Easters past filled my head, and a sadness descended.
I lingered on the memories: my kids enthusiastically hunting for brightly colored eggs in the backyard, pure joy and delight on their little faces; the family gathered together at my house for my awesome-and-I-don’t-mind-saying-so-myself homemade carnitas feast that had become a tradition over the years; music and flowers and all things sweet.
Meanwhile, the sun was shining, but none entered my heart.
I’m a spiritual man, not a religious man, and I appreciate this holiday from all perspectives. I was not called to a church, though I could have gone to one if I’d chosen. I was not called to visit friends, though I could have done that too, if I’d wanted to. Lately, I have recognized my tendency to want to resist the sadness that accompanies the occasional bouts of loneliness I experience; rushing to be with others would have only served to resist that sadness that was trying to express itself. So I chose to remain alone today and just be in the sadness.
I have a lot of items on my “to-do list”, but none of them sounded worthy of such a nice, sunny day, so I threw some stuff into a backpack and got in my car, with no clear destination in mind. Anything in the sunshine would do. I thought sunshine would help as I sat in this sadness and let it pass.
I ended up at the beach. And that’s where I found my inspiration.
Someone had placed this lovely cross adorned with flowers in the sand.
As I mentioned, I do not subscribe to one particular religion — I believe there is a God big enough to be seen from many paths. Yet I know that the cross is incredibly significant for a lot of people, just as nature is incredibly significant for a lot of people. And since our Easter practices have a blending of religious and pagan traditions, I thought this gift that was placed in the sand seemed like a beautiful merging of symbols, and the intent behind it touched my heart.
Whatever beliefs one holds about this day, if one tried to find a unifying thread in them, I think “a re-birth of Love” would fit. At least, it fits for me.
I took a picture of the gift in the sand, and decided that I needed to share it – it’s too pretty not to share. But then, I was inspired — there it is! — to write a quick blog post about it. It would be an opportunity to return to my blog without the need for a long, drawn-out explanation of where the hell I’ve been and what the hell I’ve been doing.
When I thought of finally getting back to my blog, I felt joy. Sunshine meets heart, and a smile appears. My sadness had passed.
In a symbolic way, this gorgeous Sunday saw the re-birth of this blog. Do I believe I was “meant” to be there at that beach to see this and get that inspiration? I don’t know – I don’t think I’m that important. But did it help me? Sure it did. And I don’t mind thanking God for that.
As I walked across the sand toward my car, the words of St. Francis popped into my head:
“…for it is by self-forgetting that one finds; it is by forgiving that one is forgiven; it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.”
For some reason, those words resonate with me strongly today. I share them here in the spirit of Love reborn.
Blessings to you, wherever you are ~